Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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