so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
