i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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