Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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