Don't make out with my wife yet
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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