CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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