just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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