dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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