Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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