I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
