True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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