mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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