don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
