Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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