Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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