i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Enjoy the penises
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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