I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
