i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
