I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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