Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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