he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
