I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
