This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
