i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I want a musical about memes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
