Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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