So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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