I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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