The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
