The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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