my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
