She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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