They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
