did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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