All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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