have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
