sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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