i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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