We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize