Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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