we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
