i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
