Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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