one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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