yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
