why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
