thus making me awesome and them whores
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
