o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
