The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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