just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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