I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
