We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this will be a night to untag.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize