I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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