the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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