Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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