how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
FUCK WHALES
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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