So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
