Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
