it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
