My cat gives me a boner
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
