i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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