i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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