so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
