i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
