somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
