i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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