he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
