You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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