He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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